I cannot look at Facebook any more. Every time I do it just depresses me so much. The problem with Facebook is that it’s one big competition to make your life look better than everybody else’s.
At this stage in my life, I’m in a transition period from education into the real world, and family, friends, other nosey people are keen to find out what I’m going to do next. The longer I don’t update anything about university results or job interviews the more they think; ‘Ooh Tash obviously isn’t doing very well…‘ while they’re all updating their statuses saying ‘Yay! I’ve graduated with a first!‘ or ‘Got the first job I’ve applied for… how jammy of me‘. Nobody posts statuses about how shit their life is, so the only news I hear is about how great everyone else’s lives are.
I’m not somebody who usually measures myself up against how other people are doing, but it’s hard when all the people around you are doing so well and you’re at a standstill. It’s a very lonely place to be. It’s especially hard when throughout school (ie. my whole life up til now) I was top of the class and good at most things. Whereas before I was doing better than was expected, now I’m at a slump.
I try not to post anything on Facebook now, so family, friends, and Nosies (shall we call them) kind of forget about me. I wish I could just evaporate sometimes. Then their attention won’t be drawn to my hopelessness, nor will they learn that for the first time in my life I am underachieving.
I am at a period of significant change, which is hard enough for me on my own, let alone while people are watching.